Am I just at a stop sign....or a dead end?

So at what part of a decision can you tell if you've made a good one or a bad one? How do you determine if something is going to work or not? I'm battling with alot of things rightnow and one of them is wondering if I have again jumped into an idea or decision too soon without thinking about what could go wrong or the negatives of the situation.

I saw moving back to Chicago as a second chance. A chance to do right what I messed up on before, to try to make more of it than I did before. I'm here I guess to learn and grow. I saw everything falling into place....and overlooked the fact that maybe things wouldn't "fall into place" right away and rather "fall apart". See there's something about my life that makes things never go as planned...something always has to go haywire and crazy. I don't get this. This effects me in rediculous ways. When things happen my mind goes into fast foward and I do nothing but think about how I'm going to fix the current situation, what I could do and how what I do will pane out. It's troubling...because again whatever I do will not go as planned. I don't eat, I barely sleep until I feel as though I have things back under control. It doesn't matter how many people tell me, or how many times I tell myself that everything is going to be ok, my mind is still racing morning, noon and night. When my brain is in this constant motion, I find it hard to concentrate on much else. I don't want to go out, I don't want to hang out...I actually have almost no desire to want to do anything unless it seems like a step closer to eliminating my rollercoaster of thoughts or be enough to atleast make me stop thinking about them long enough to enjoy myself. But as we all know...the brain is powerful.

I really don't know why I just now decided to spill all of this on this blog, after weeks of not typing a word (sorry Brandon), but at this point I feel as though talking it over with friends or family is just uneccessary repeatition. I feel myself reaching out to people, for them to hear me, give me a kind word (because really it's the only thing that really keeps me going, I call my mother everyday for that very reason) give me that sense of drive. It's great to know there's someone in your corner.

I mean don't know what's going on with me right now...with my life, with my situation, but I am deperately trying to find my way in this world. DESPERATELY!....and I keep making wrong turns....I'm just hoping I'm not going to have to end up making a U-turn....again!

Keep your fingers crossed for me! And as for me, I'm going to try to keep pressing my mental stop button, everytime my mind slips into fast foward.

I missed out on a big break

Yo there was this movie audition this week and I didn't get it but my friends got it. They were looking for this one move in particular. Its called a gainer its a back flip running forward. I have had that move for years but recently I haven't been doing it and it fell off. We went to the audition, Duncan did his and now he is in a Movie. Damn I feel like that was supposed to be mine. that's ok that shit won't ever happen again...

Yo I almost forgot to let yall know

I got my Nike IDs todaaaaay!!! Yeah you can't see me right now but I'm dancing. For sure my first pair of nikeIDs came in the mail from Thailand yesterday. That's right and the color way is oh so edible and they are oh so fresh. You need to get some before they change the colors you can use to make them.But check them out The pics are up so enjoy.

Day to day encounters of the pedestrian kind

Yo so I just got in a little while ago and on my way home I'm walking down the street right next but just behind this guy, and its kind of weird cause you don't want to be too close to folks on the street, personal space shit ya know. So I speed up and try to pass him. Now the shit this guy does next really pisses me off.

I try to pass the guy cause he's walking slower than me, and what does he do? He speeds up.... I hate that shit. I mean is this a game or a race, I wanted to be like "Hey loser this ain't Mario Kart (yo I loved that game) what the hell are you doing, let me pass." So I kicked the son of a bitch in the back of the knee for trying to show me up in these mean Lincoln Square streets. Naw I just sped up on him after we stopped at the light, and checked his ass, but really after I pass him up he starts to walk slower like me passing him up lowered his self esteem hahaha.

Shana what it is? Why aren't you blogging G?

Man I don't know what's up I think my partner abandoned me but its cool. I gotta add other folks to the team man. Morgan where you at man?

Robert Downey Jr. as Ironman!

Yo this is gonna be dope, wired ass witty Ironman Robert Downey is perfect coke heads are making power moves openly. Check out the trailer at apple.com. JEAH!!

This dude is snappppin!!

This is ridiculous. The Goodlife video... what? This dude is straight murdering the competition. Man just go check it out this one is my favorite so far I'm loving the animation for reallllzz.




kanYeWest.com
I'm done.

Homecoming

Yeah so my friend is coming back to Chicago to live after a year back home. I'm really excited that we will be in the same city and I don't think she has an idea about how much that means to me. I hope things go well for her while she's here. To be honest I like her a lot but I don't know how good that is for me seeing that she never seems to know how she feels or at least I can never tell. I mean its weird because I considered disappearing just because I feel so strongly and I am not the one to find comfort in weaknesses I have especially for others. I don't know what the future will be like I don't want it to be shitty of course and I don't need my expectations to be high cause that ain't fair. Whatever the case I've missed you girl and I glad you've made your way back home. this song is for you.

Going to work

So I'm going coming to work today and the Blue line is packed but we manage to shove inside the train car anyway. As we are riding I happen to look over my shoulder and see two women talking having a conversation. One of the women had a fan in her hand, you know the Japanese or Chinese kind that fold up, she was just playing with it while she was in concersation with the woman to her left. Then as she was talking she flipped the fan upside down and begin to use it as if it were a pen or pencil and she kind of drew on her leg as the canvas or paper. She was explaining something to the woman to the right of her or giving her some type of directions drawing lines and circling areas on her leg. I couldn't hear a word they said and I didn't need to, it was clear from the gestures that she was explaining the relationship of two different places and their distance from one another. The dope thing is that there were no lines, there was no map these women were creating something through the power of visualization so in that way the map and the pen she drew with did exist, it existed in our minds. Its incredible how humans communicate and what we can do with almost nothing. Visualization is an amazing tool because we use it to communicate ideas to our selves and others as well as create our realities. Let me know what you think.

There were Leaders were at Lumen on the fifth of September!!

Leaders shindig was dope its was at this place called Lumen and I couldn't get over the lights I loved it. Take a look...


The spot


Me, Juanito, and the lovely Mayra


Lauren and Vic


Dee and Jenn


Random pic of the DJ booth

Mia - Paper Planes

I like this song a lot. I just got the album! All I wanna do is ..... * Ching* and take your money

ENDS/WEALTH

The guys over at ENDS/WEALTH have something brewing in the pot, check em out!
ENDS/WEALTH

Hello all you CyberBoys and CyberGirls!!!

So Brandon introduced me to Janelle Monae a while ago...or more like I stole her from his myspace page. But I ordered her cd online a couple of weeks ago and it came in the mail yesterday. I love it...The sound isn't like anything you've ever heard before...I promise you. Its like she takes the uniqueness of OutKast and mixes it with the creativity and riskiness of Kelis...She definitely statisfied my craving for something new and different.
Anyways...
So Brandon's been on me about not blogging....sorry sorry sorry, but I've been so busy plotting my return to Chi. I have 10 days left here...not a long time. The nervousiness is disappearing more and more every day and the excitement is growing. I'm learning to breathe and just let things work themselves out.
I know that i"m gonna miss Delaware tho...the smell of the dirt, grass and trees...the sound of crickets and woodpeckers...it's something I've kinda fell in love with over time. Its apart of me. Tonight I was sitting outside with my friend Joel and I was just listening...relaxing. It's what I do to get away....take a walk in a park...or drive through the valley. I was talking to him about how people just need to slow down and really live life...how many people just rush through and they shouldn't. There's so much around, so much to do and see....so much to hear. How could you not enjoy something so beautiful. There was a groundhog in my backyard yesterday munching on an apple that had fallen from the tree and I sat and watched the whole time. I mean it was something so amazing to see...yet something that could have easily been missed.
I guess the moral to all this is that sometimes we just need to stop for a moment and let life sink in.

New Lupe track

Dumb it down...

Hey Mano "Half robot, half amazing?" how about this?

Aint it amazing, I mean I don't have to be the only one in this world doing incredible things, I can leave some stuff for the scientists an engineers. This is an incredible advance in the development of prosthesis limbs, no more fear of missing limbs. Full Metal Alchemy or real ass technology -- say word.
Ted.com caption beloooowwww....

"Inventor Dean Kamen previews the extraordinary prosthetic arm he's developing at the request of the Department of Defense, to help the 1,600 "kids" who've come back from Iraq without an arm (and the two dozen who've lost both arms). Kamen's commitment to using technology to solve problems, and his respect for the human spirit, have never been more clear than in this deeply moving clip."

Who Wanna Live Forever?? Well at least for a long ass time?

Check out Aubrey de Grey's talk on avoiding the process of aging in humans. You need to check it. its interesting if nothing else.
Ted.com summary below...

"In a shocking challenge to conventional wisdom, Cambridge researcher Aubrey de Grey argues that the process of aging is merely a disease -- and a curable one at that. De Grey, a computer scientist and biogerontologist, believes humans could live for centuries, if only we approach the aging process as "an engineering problem." He outlines the seven basic ways people age, and how to "solve" each one. And if we get to work now, he says, humans alive today could live to be 1,000."

Yo busy weekend but I promise its gonna get betta!!

Ok I been stupid busy printing up shirts as all that good old stuff. Shana thinks she's coming back in town for good. I hope she does actually I really think this Highlyflvrd thing will take off soon. But you gotta keep working, keep going and make it happen. I just hope she can see that.